Address to new blog

http://livefortodaywithnoregrets.blogspot.com/

Change in Blog Address

I have moved my thoughts, dreams and ideas to a new address. If you would like to join me please do at livefortodaywithnoregrets.blogspot.com.

Thank you for everything!!

Peaceful

Standing in the middle of tall pine trees staring at the grey sky waiting, hoping, holding my breath. Will it come? And then the first one falls. The tiniest snow flake. Slowing more fall. Hundreds. Thousands. Millions. It quiet. Perfectly quiet. It is not eery. It is not scary. It is perfect. A perfect moment that I have alway loved when I have the chance. Everything is perfect in this perfect moment. The snow slowly falls on and around me. As perfect as each snowflake it, that is how perfect the moment it. I am wishing for this moment now. I am graduating in December and I am starting to get scared. I have to do something now. I have to decide what is next. This goal will be reach in 8 months. There is finally an end and I do not really know how I feel about it. I am trying to find the next school I will be going to as I prepare to get my bachelor's. Part of that, however, is finding where I want to work as a paralegal while I am in school. It is very scary to grow up. I love it though. I can do anything. I have nothing holding me back. The possibilities right now are endless...and I do not know how I feel about it. There is too much that I can do. I am having a hard time deciding what to do. I need snow. I need the peaceful quiet of that first snow fall. I can do it, though. It is a good thing to have options. It is a good thing to grow up. I am a good work in progress and I am loving it. In just a few short months everything will be different. A good different. Luckily I know exactly what that first snow fall is like so as I close my eyes tonight to sleep, I will fall asleep in a perfect quiet as I watch the snowflakes fall around me.

I am cured!

Hopefully I won't have to retract this post later...but I honestly think I'm cured! For the last many, many years I have been biting my nails. But I think this phase is finally over. 20 days ago I decided that along with no more sugar, I would also give up biting my nails for lent (in support of a few coworkers). Usually when I have tried this my fingers are still in my mouth and I can last a couple of days before jumping downhill. Yes jumping, its never a slow or even fast downhill run, I just skip the whole hill and go right to the bottom. But, I have no desire to bite them now. I will be 26 in exactly a month and I really think its the perfect time to be cured. Yay me!! Now to stop biting my mouth...one step at a time :)

Can't write what you don't know

I have been working hard on a book that I have had in mind for a while. I was excited to get it done in time for my cousin's wedding so my other cousin could read it...then I hit a block. All three parts are on my wall planned out perfectly. I know exactly what happens to Kaylee in book 1, the exact transfers that take place during DaKota's mission in book 2 and I know Kaiden's birthday and why she is such a miracle baby. I know how its all going, but still couldn't get it on paper. It took me about a week to finally realize why I can't write it. Its not a negative thing...its just that you can't write what you don't know. Kaylee and Kota fall in love in book 1 and more so by letter in book 2. I don't know what that means. I don't know what love it. I can see it in other people but I can't describe that in words. I love my family but that's not the same love Kaylee and DaKota have. Its not a bad thing, I just have to wait to write this one. The same goes for the other one I've been working on too. I can't write what I don't know. It's actually a good thing because I know I'm a good writer, but a good writer knows when not to make something up. You can't make up love. I know what I would like it to be. I've seen enough fairy tales. Part of it though is also the fact that to me its not the next step. Its not my next thing on the check list to check off. If I have to wait until I'm 28 (no I'm NOT mentioning 30 yet) to fall in love for real then I'll wait for it. Yes, I do believe that there are some LDS girls and guys who have gotten married because that's what is next. I won't do that. If I offend I do apologize, but I am allowed to have my opinion. Too many people are not getting married for real love, its the idea of being in love and doing what's next. I can't write about that. I can't write about finding someone who you like to hang out with and how easy it is to say "I love you"-I did it. But that's not what I want for Kaylee and DaKota. They aren't like that. They fall in love. They have a fairytale. The idea of a fairytale is not dead. Getting married is one of the things that are up next, but I'm not going to marry the first guy who asks so I can say "Checked that off--on to kids." That's not love to me. That's not happiness to me. I could very easily write Kaylee's feelings to be how mine were with Tony. Kaylee would also end up being extremely miserable because she never was really in love. I said "I love you" to Tony and he said it back. It felt good to say it to someone and to have someone say it back. But they were just words. When I can say in my head while I am saying those words out loud "I wish he was prince charming" or "how am I going to see my family once we're married" then its not love at all. You always here the stories of people who had arranged marriages and how after a few years they fell in love. I'm not cool with that. It worked for them but it won't for me. I'm a huge romantic. If I get married its because I can't live without him. I love my mom's reaction every time my dad goes out of town-upset. She can't live without him. I really don't like when men go out of town and the wife is like "finally now I can do this and that" or "I'm going out of town with my girlfriends because I need sometime away from my husband"--oh my depressing!! I might be expecting too much and maybe that's why it hasn't happened...I am perfectly fine with that. This isn't on my To Do list. It's not on Kaylee and DaKota's either. I know exactly how the book will go. I know how each part with come to life. The moment I know what love feels like is the moment Kaylee and DaKota will know. I'm not faking this in real life or in my character's lives. Its real in both worlds and I think I want to write what I know.

My bad...

Sorry Rhys! I spelled his name wrong!!

80 reasons to be happy

Danette, Kelly, Kelsey, Judy, Marlin, Avon, Quinn, Whitney, Harry, Marlin, Margot, Sorena, Chris, Jeanene, Dan, Michael, Linette, Jared, Melanie, Cindy, Paul, Gheen, Beth, Mandee, Merritt, Ashlee, Bryce, Ryne, Dustin, Mickenna, Marissa, Skyler, Quincee, Karsyn, Jordan, Kage, Jake, Alexis, Brianne, Emily, Samantha, Lindsey, Camille, Christopher, Nicolas, Andrew, Madison, Ethan, Tyler, Caleb, Grace, Katherine, Asher, Ryse, Ari, Bram, Charles, Hannah, Noah, Bradeigh, Evan, Megan, Brittney, Vance, Austin, Andrew, Marc, Tyler, Emily, Anne, Stephanie, Isaac, Simon, Calvin, Oliver, Alex, Sam, Maggie, Vaun and Jolene.