Strength to Keep Going

Last night I got a message on facebook from a not so nice girl. She's the ex of Gustavo, a guy I was dating for a few months last fall. I'm not pasting exactly what she said because she doesn't use nice language but one the part I'm focusing on was that she said it was nice to finally get a picture to a face and see that there was nothing she ever had to worry about because I was fat, ugly and a desperate white girl. I tried to let it roll off, but ended up going out to the kitchen to ask my dad to sing me to sleep. It helped that I was crying, but I think he wouldn've known something was wrong anyways. It's not everyday a 25 year old asks her dad to sing her to sleep. We had a long conversation, my mom included, about me and that I'm beautiful. Of course they have to say that-they're my parents. My dad even said other people have said it. I went through the "GG doesn't count and adults who are married dont' count." My mom told me about a Dr. Phil episode that caught her eye the otherday when two ladies were fighting and one brought up an issue the other one and Dr. Phil called it "going for the jugular." Well, that's exactly how I felt about Chez saying things about my weight. I have slipped a little the last few weeks, but I have been trying. I lost 25 pounds at one point and I know I can do it again. But more than that I think the situation is what hurt too. Gustavo is a very attractive man and he just one day bolted. At first I thought I wasn't pretty enough for him to stay, but then got my act together and decided I didn't want to be with someone like that. I have been doing really good for the past 3 months. Then last night happened and I couldn't help but ask it again. My mom was so good to remind me that I was in a better place without him and I knew that.
Last night I decided that if anyone wants to call me fat-they can-AFTER they ride 60 miles in El Tour de Tucson. They can call me ugly-AFTER they go to a doctor and surgically get the same blue color eyes I have. They can call me desperate-AFTER they work full time and go to school full time for 2 years and become a paralegal.
This morning I was thinking a lot about the "desperate" side of that messge. Am I? I want to get married. I want to have kids. I sometimes worry that I won't ever get a chance again. But NO I am not. I have to go back to my goals and what I want to do and what I need to do. I am here for a reason. The Lord knows that if I was married I wouldn't finish school. There is a reason that I need to. Maybe I'll be US superior judge. Maybe I'll just be an amazing lawyer. Maybe I need to go into international law because I need to take that trip to Italy because that's where my husband is. Maybe I just need a job that allows me to care for my family because something is going to happen to my husband. Or maybe, just maybe, I have something to learn. The Lord knows all. Some people get married quick. Some people have lots of kids. Some people get married later. Some people only have a couple or no kids at all. But the situation does not make you who you are. We become who we want to be by being who we want to become ever day. Everyday I wake is a day I can make myself better, is a day I can be proud of myself, is a day I can say that the Lord is proud of me.
My name is Maryn and I am talented, smart, funny, beautiful, caring, reliable, responsible, and loving. I have the most wonderful parents, sister and family in the world. I am 2 semesters away from finishing school--the first part. I am proud of who I am becoming and everyday I am striving to be what I want to become.
I have the strength to keep going. I dare anyone to call me fat, ugly or desperate again. It gives me more strength to keep going because I don't need to tear other people down to feel good about myself. It gives me the strength the pray for others because I fell sad that they don't have the support that I do or the strength to try and do better for themselves everyday.
I know I will slip, everyone has a bad day, but in the end I also know I will always do what I can to be a better me because that is why I am here.
A special thanks goes to my mom and dad for letting me cry and for still helping me laugh by the end of the night. Even if I do want to go see the Great Barrier Wall :)